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  "I think so, too. Sorry about the confusion," I say. I wrap my robe around my shoulders and shake away a chill. "Come here. Let me see your face."

  Shan sits and leans toward me. His bruises have faded and the laceration is almost completely healed, though there is some redness around the edges of the sutures. "Does it look bad? It hurts, kind of a throbbing burn. Daelis said it's not horrible, but I think he's just trying to reassure me."

  I push his hair away from his eyes. "You'll have a scar, but that's all right. You can tell everyone about your mighty battle with a villainous quartz crystal when we get home. I'm a little concerned about the redness and I think that's what's bothering you, but it's not bad. Get the alcohol bottle out of my med kit and I'll clean it up."

  A howl echoes off the stone. It sounds like the scream of a hungry, agonized fox mixed with the high-pitched screech of an owl and the lamenting bass of a baying wolf.

  Everyone else freezes. I jump to my feet and toss Daelis's robe at him. "Time to go."

  Day 23

  It has taken me a while to find the strength to write this entry. Yesterday was a horror that will chase me from now until death.

  The howls, those ghastly howls... they grew louder. What I initially thought was a single creature became many. They called to each other from all directions. They knew we were here, and they were coming for us.

  We ran over slippery rocks and through stinking muck. The howls grew louder. When we couldn't run anymore, we limped, gasping, through ragged spiderwebs and rotting fungus. The howls grew louder. When the only thing we could do was crawl, we crawled under dripping stalactites. When our scraped knees couldn't handle another drag across the rock, we found ourselves in a cavern large enough to stand up in.

  That's when the howling stopped. The beasts no longer needed to call to each other. They were together now. They were all around us.

  Oh, those eyes. Blazing eyes like lava, unblinking eyes containing hellfire itself stared at us from every crevice. The alpha yipped and all eight beasts stepped into the light. The eyes were on stalks, the snouts were horned, the hairless skin glistened in the lantern light. The four-legged bodies were vaguely dog-like, but broadly muscular and swathed in spikes. The lengthy tails terminated in a luminescent orb attached to a scorpion-like stinger. When they howled in unison, their lips peeled back to reveal sharp black teeth.

  They spiraled as they stalked us. A little closer, just a little closer with each pass. We held our weapons ready and kept tiny Yana sheltered between us. Daelis passed Cinda a dagger. It couldn't offer much protection against such beasts, but it was all he had to give.

  The beasts attacked and we defended. Shan and I swung our swords. One head on the floor. Two. Three. They kept coming. A dagger planted in a fiery eye, another in a straining throat. Three left. Shan and I backed Yana and Daelis toward a wall.

  I thought Cinda was in our group. She wasn't. The alpha's tail was around her ankle, and its stinger pierced her just below the knee. Before I could react, a second stinger planted in her chest. They yanked her to the ground and swarmed her, jaws snapping and muscles twitching. She screamed and slashed at them, but it was futile. I knew it before I cleaved the filthy heads from the bodies. I knew it before I hacked the alpha to steaming bits.

  All eight were dead, and Cinda was fading. I held her head on my lap while blood bubbled from her lips. She loosed a gurgling cough and her shoulders violently spasmed.

  "Rin..." Cinda pressed a bloodied finger to my lips. "Thank you, Rin. Thank you for teaching me hope."

  Her arm relaxed and she was gone.

  We didn't want to leave her in the dark with dead beasts, but we had no way to burn her or bury her. This little chamber was her tomb, the closest place to freedom she'd ever been. Shan took her shell bracelet and tied it to his own wrist. We were the nearest thing to family she had, so it was appropriate that the memento remained with us.

  We couldn't stay long enough to mourn. There might have been other animals in the pack besides this hunting party. We couldn't run anymore, so we walked. Daelis carried Yana and I held fast to Shan's hand.

  Exhaustion soon tried to claim us, be we kept going. The sound of running water accompanied an increase in humidity. Oh no, we couldn't have circled, could we? We couldn't have gone straight back to the waterfall cave.

  We hadn't. We squeezed through a narrow opening to find ourselves on the bank of a frigid underground river. Shan helped me roll some large rocks to block off the opening behind us, then the four of us sat huddled together against the wall. Any sleep we achieved would be piecemeal and punctuated by startles and jerks.

  "So passes Cinda, a kind soul who rose from hatred and fear to claim the name of a star." Daelis rested his head on my shoulder. Yana and Shan's tears stained our sleeves.

  After the children were asleep, I whispered to Daelis, "I should have been able to save her. She was next to me and I didn't move her out of the way in time. She wasn't a fighter. I should have kept her sheltered with Yana."

  "There is no reality in which Cinda's death is your fault," Daelis said.

  "Don't say that in some stupid attempt to comfort me."

  "I'm saying it because it's true. This was not your fault. Those abominations were not your fault. You saved the rest of us, you and Shan. Sometimes there isn't enough time or strength to save everyone, but you did what you could and our fight forward will be in her memory. We'll fight to give Yana the future Cinda was not destined to have."

  He spoke to me for a long time after that, whispered to me about bravery and skill and how grateful he was that I had taught Shan how to fight. I remember few of his words, only impressions. He murmured me to sleep, and then when I woke again with guilt in my heart, he comforted me again.

  I couldn't have prevented Cinda's death, but I still feel guilty. I'm sorry, so sorry, Cinda. I tried. I failed you. I'm not going to fail the rest of my family. And you were family. In just this short time, you became family.

  I failed. I swore I would save them all, and I failed. He keeps telling me it wasn't my fault, but it had to be. I'm the strong one, the trained one, the warrior and protector. In just a few short days, we gave her a name, a voice, a sense of belonging. We teased her with visions of a freedom she'll never know. She'll never see sunlight or starlight, or feel grass under her feet, or smell flowers after a cool and misty spring rain.

  I'm sorry, Cinda. I failed you. I failed us all.

  Day 23, part 2

  "Why do you keep dating your entries like that? It doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense. You've been here at least six weeks and you're still stuck back on Day 23." Shan starts rubbing his eyes, then winces and abruptly drops his hands. He must have momentarily forgotten about the injury on his cheek. It looks a little better than it did before the dog beasts attacked us. Before Cinda died. Oh, Cinda, I can't get you out of my head. I'm not sure if I want to.

  "There are no clocks or sunlight to guide us, so I've been logging time based on when we take longer periods of sleep. Yes, maybe we've been here forty or fifty or more days, but it seems less hopeless if I stick with my system and make cave days longer than real days." I try to touch his chin, but he looks away. "Are you angry with me?"

  Shan sighs and shakes his fingers through his dirty hair. "No. I'm just... I just... I keep seeing her in my head. Dying over and over and over. And then I fell asleep and had a dream where Cinda was replaced by everyone I love, one at a time in quick succession. You. Tessen. Poor little Alon. Yana. My grandparents and aunt and cousins. Even Daelis. Not that I love Daelis or anything, but I guess he sneaked in there because I don't hate him anymore and he's always around. It's not like he can leave us or anything, but... Damn it, Mom. I'm rambling and you're writing down every word I say like it's important."

  "It's important because you're important."

  A splash startles us both. It's just Yana kicking rocks into the river. We're still sitting by it. We haven't gone anywhere since we blocked off t
he hole in the wall.

  Yana giggles and turns toward Daelis. "You try!"

  Daelis shrugs. He kicks a rock across the narrow river. It plinks against the opposite wall and drops into the water.

  Yana isn't as agitated by Cinda's death as the rest of us. I suspect that's due to a combination of seeing so much death in her young life that she's desensitized to it and her not bonding with Cinda like she did with the rest of us.

  "I know you have, but I've never watched a person die before. Not even Alon because you made us go to Aunt Nora's so we wouldn't get sick too." Shan reclines on his elbows and watches me write. "It's devastating watching every potential future involving that person vanish. She was my friend, and now she's gone and we're the only ones who will ever miss her. We didn't even know her that well."

  "Time doesn't matter when you find someone you connect with." I watch Yana and Daelis toss stones and shells into the river. Yana's connection with him is strong, probably even stronger than the one she's forged with me. They need each other. I can't let anything happen to either of them. "You cared about Cinda, you helped her know that she was accepted and eventually trusted by us, and you will carry her memory for the rest of your life. She spent her last days loved and appreciated because you were a kind and wonderful friend. You gave her some peace in a life that was otherwise a nightmare, and that is an incredible gift."

  Shan leans forward to embrace me. His tears drip onto my shoulder as he kisses my cheek. "A better gift would have been freedom from this place. Get us out of here, Mom. We belong together and need to go home together. All four of us."

  He stands and walks toward Yana and Daelis. They're talking but I can't hear anything over the burble of the river. I want to leave here soon, as soon as they're ready. We won't go in the direction they're standing. We'll follow the flow and hope the stream has a sky-touched outlet.

  Shan smiles and hugs Daelis. That's unexpected. I think they may be developing a more comfortable rapport. Good. That relationship should never have been postponed for a day, let alone seventeen years.

  I wonder what Tessen will think when Shan and I stumble home with two new family members and the revelation that his father didn't abandon him after all. Tessen is an easygoing kid most of the time. He'll get used to it. I miss him, and I'm so relieved he isn't here. Don't bring him here. Gods damned Jarrah, don't you bring my second son here. You horrid bitches have broken my heart enough for one lifetime and when I find you, you will learn the strength of Rin Sylleth's latent rage.

  Day 23, part 3

  We spent at least three hours slowly walking along the riverbank. It was a rough route in small sections thanks to minor rock slides, but it was otherwise surprisingly flat and easy. No one spoke and the only sounds were the shuffling of feet over gravel and the constant hum of the river.

  "Hey, Mom? Daelis? Come look at this," Shan stood in front of an expansive and smooth stone wall, looking upward. He held his lantern aloft as his gaze wandered down the length of the wall. “Someone painted the rocks.”

  The focus of his interest became obvious as we approached him. The wall was covered in simple figures painted with colors of ochre and blood. Someone had spent an awful lot of time on this project. I thought I knew why.

  "It's not a painting, it's a story. Someone's version of my journal. Brilliant, really. There is writing in a language I don't recognize mixed in, but it's mostly pictures, so anyone can interpret it." I scanned the layout and determined that the most logical starting point was the center. The story spiraled widdershins from there. How appropriate. Anti-sunwise as the figures retreated from the sun.

  Yana grabbed my hand and squeezed. "Is bad things, Rin. See? Four arms have most. Varaku story."

  "It's all a mess of stick figures eating other stick figures to me." Daelis tilted his head and held his lantern to the left edge of the outer spiral. "Rin... if you have it figured out, read it to us. Maybe it will give us a clue on how to get out of here."

  "Hold the lanterns over here," I said. Daelis and Shan moved to my sides. I pointed at the central picture. "See, it starts here. It's not linear like most languages, but instead circular. Spiral, actually."

  "Oh, I see it now!" Shan raised his lantern higher so I could see better.

  I touched an empty space on the wall and stared at the central picture. "It starts with a city in a forest. Or maybe a village. Just people doing normal things like farming and building houses. The city was near mountains. See, here are the peaks. Then the forest was on fire and everyone was running. Their entire world was on fire and they had nowhere to go. They found a cave entrance in the side of a mountain and went inside. They went deeper to get away from the smoke. They were lost and hungry. They were forced to eat the weak and dead to keep themselves alive. Then they found mushrooms and animals to eat.

  "There are pictures of babies and children here, so I think that means generations passed. They built a new city out of stone in a great cavern, but they were struggling. Their bodies started to change to adapt to cave life and they were becoming more animal-like. Too many children didn't survive to adulthood and the scouts they sent to find a way to the surface never returned.

  "Then the Jarrah came. See, same masks and robes they wore when we saw them. With all these starburst markings and bowing figures around them, they must think the Jarrah are gods. The Jarrah gave them survival knowledge but it looks like they told the Varaku there was no longer a world above the caves, so the underground was the only place they could live. The Jarrah brought them slaves in exchange for... stones, maybe? Minerals? The slaves mined for these things the Jarrah wanted. Five or six different types. More children started to survive and the city grew. "

  I stepped sideways and danced along the wall so I could interpret the larger outer spirals. "The Varaku ate the slaves who misbehaved. They also ate other Varaku. There were a small group of Varaku who rose against this practice. They were banished to... I think to the same place we were. Looks like a maze, doesn't it? The exiled group was trying to escape the caves. No, I don't think that's right. They're trying to find a place to build their own city. The last picture in the sequence is what I assume is this river, leading to a dark cave at the end."

  "I wonder if they found what they were looking for, or if they died before they got the chance," Daelis said. He put his arm around my back and I leaned against his side.

  "Yana, our parents are being weird." Shan winced and turned away to look downriver. "It's so dark down there, can't see an end to it. Maybe they did find somewhere to live and that last picture is some sort of crude map. If we do run into them, I hope they've kept up their objection to eating people. I doubt they could help us get to the surface if they don't believe there is a surface worth going to, but maybe they won't be hostile, either."

  "Varaku bad. All Varaku bad. All Varaku lie." Yana whispered. She squeezed my hand, then released and went to Shan. "Human people are good. And elf people. And human-elf people. Not Varaku."

  "Not all humans and elves are good," Shan said. He knelt so he could look her in the eyes. "Many people are good, but some aren't. There are bad people hiding in all races, like the bad people who brought our parents and me here. I'm sure there are good people hiding in the Varaku. Even if we find more bad Varaku, we'll be all right. Mom will protect us."

  I turned toward Daelis to whisper, "They have too much confidence in me. We've been mostly lucky in regards to our misfortune so far, but I don't think I have the skills to protect us from every potential attack. I'm only going to let them down. I'm going to fail them like I failed Cinda."

  He led me several steps away from Shan and Yana. "No you aren't. The only possible way for you to fail them is if you stop fighting for them. I know you won't do that. Your protective instincts won't allow you to. Your fierceness is one of the things I love most about you."

  "I don't know how much fight I have left in me." My knees buckled. Daelis caught me and eased us both to the ground. I laid my head on hi
s chest and listened to the steady thump of his heart. How did he stay so calm when the world we belonged to remained out of reach? He wasn't this calm earlier in our nightmare, so why was he now? His comfortable embrace revealed everything. He had discovered his own fierce, protective nature and part of that nature included providing reassurance to the three people he loved most.

  Daelis stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. "You're exhausted. Physically and emotionally. You've been carrying the weight of everyone else's lives with you since you and Yana found each other, and that weight has multiplied aggressively with each person you've taken under your protection. Shan and I are competent enough fighters, so trust us to help secure our own lives and protect Yana. You're not alone in this fight." He ran his fingers under my chin, then nudged me to look up so he could kiss my lips. "Trust us, Rin. Trust yourself and accept that it's all right to be afraid. For now, though, I want you to rest. You don't need to sleep, just rest. Maybe Yana can teach us another of her stone and shell games. We'll stay here for tonight to reset our fortitude, and then we'll have tomorrow to see where the river leads us."

  Day 24

  We're still sitting by the painted wall. I'm all right with that. I was told I slept a long time, and I guess I needed it. I did wake up at some point to eat and relieve myself, but then I returned to the ground and slept again. I feel better now, calmer. My focus has returned, in spite of the dreadfully itchy mess of sutures on my forearm. The wound is healed so I'll have Shan snip the sutures in a few minutes.

  I'm awake now for the long term, but I'm not yet ready to leave. Yana is busy teaching Shan and Daelis a new stone game. I'm not sure what the rules are, but I know it involves a significant amount of basic mathematics to play.