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  "We didn't have a choice," I reply. "It was either the quartz tunnel or the tunnel even Yana could barely squeeze through. This still seems the better choice. We have water and we can take the path from this ledge down to the pool at the bottom of the fall. If we're lucky, there will be a river we can follow."

  Shan sighs and shakes his fingers through his damp hair. "We're not lucky. Sorry about the sutures. I've never done them on anything alive before, just those pig skins you gave me to practice on."

  "It's good enough." I bend my elbow so I can examine the wound. I've had much worse ones. This is only a small ache the length of my little finger. "You'll get better with practice."

  "Don't want practice. I'm a student of physical sciences, not medicine." Shan rests his head on my shoulder so he can look at the others, who are huddled together against the wall. Only Daelis still has his eyes open. "They're so tired. This isn't a very big place to rest, but it's sheltered and I think we need to be done for today."

  "You're right. No more quartz, no more snakes. Dream sweetly only to wake into a nightmare."

  "Good night, Mom," Shan says. He slides to the ground and arranges his hood into a makeshift pillow. He yawns and closes his eyes. "Let the water soothe you to sleep."

  Soothe me to sleep, guide me to sleep, running water, rushing water, send me to sleep.

  Day 21

  I'd rather not die anytime soon, but if I must, this would be a lovely place. We descended from behind the waterfall to find a fog-touched dreamland. The cavern was vast and partly flooded by a runoff pool. The water was ignited azure by the millions of glow worms that dangled high above like a finite, wriggling galaxy. Massive shelf mushrooms grew from quartzite walls, creating small sanctuaries beneath sprawling gills. Pale, blind insects scurried among loose rocks. The air was pleasantly warm, warmer than I'd felt since my abduction.

  After remembering that even damp wool can keep one warm, I gave in to my growing need to be rid of the snake blood stench on my clothing. I stripped down to my relatively clean braies and short chemise and began the arduous process of scrubbing the filthy robe with the most porous stone I could find. The water was much warmer than I expected, and tiny bubbles clung to my scraped skin. I wondered if the pool was fed by a hot spring in addition to the waterfall, or if the waterfall itself originated from such a spring.

  With a splash and a slosh, Shan was ahead of me in the water. His robe was discarded on the bank and his undergarments were wet around the knees.

  "Careful. Don't go any further. We don't know what might live here," I said. Blood stained the water around my feet. So much blood. Rinse it away, wash it away, watch it fade until it's nothing but water.

  Shan bent and plucked a fractured geode from the water. "I've got my dagger on me, but I won't go deeper. I might strip down the rest of the way and sit in it if the girls aren't around, or just go over to that alcove Daelis found."

  "Is that where he went? I thought he was hunting for salamanders with Yana and Cinda." I rang out the robe, then dipped it back in the water for another round of scrubbing.

  "He was. They caught a couple of big ones and the girls are sitting under our mushroom making some sort of salamander on a stick thing for lunch. Daelis went to an alcove down on that end to sit in the water. You know, he's pretty amazing with those throwing knives. He got that snake dead between the eyes a couple days ago—or was that yesterday? A few minutes ago I saw him hit a salamander from at least fifteen yards away—in the near-dark with a bad hand and a bad shoulder." Shan searched the shallows until he found the perfect flat stone. He promptly skipped it across the pool.

  "He's not completely useless." I held up the robe and sniffed it. The serpent stench was gone, but I didn't think the stains would fully fade no matter how long I scrubbed at them.

  "He's okay. I guess. I can't totally forgive him for what he did to us, but I don't hate him." Shan nodded toward the robe. "Will that even dry down here?"

  I shrugged and rang as much water out of the garment as I could. "Not for a while. I don't think we're going any further today, so I'll hang it up."

  "Not going to push us down another death tunnel today, Mom?"

  "No. We need to relax and heal a little, and this is a beautiful place to do it."

  Shan looked up at the glow worms and smiled. "Fake stars are nearly as pretty as real ones. Too bad they're nothing but slimy bugs."

  "They taste okay, though. Might even help you sleep if you're lucky," I said. I stepped out of the water and squeezed the robe again. A few droplets fell upon the rocks.

  "Yeah, Yana told me about that. Anyway, go away so I can sit in the water for a few minutes without getting my clothes all wet." Shan left the water and stared down the pool toward a thick cluster of spindly mushrooms. "Daelis is down there. I've decided I won't be mad at you if you like him. It's weird, but we're in a whole cave of weird."

  I hung the robe over a shelf mushroom, then ducked under it to check on Yana and Cinda.

  Yana scrunched her nose and grinned. "Go away. Making surprises."

  Well, all right, then. Shan wanted privacy, Yana and Cinda were working on a secret project... I'm not sure what to do. I might as well make sure Daelis didn't fall asleep and drown in his little alcove.

  Bugs scurried across my path as I ventured toward the alcove. The cavern was full of life and movement. That made me nervous. Plenty of prey here, and predators follow prey. Hopefully there are no predators larger than salamanders hiding here. And us, since I suppose we're predators, too.

  I slipped through the tall, skinny mushrooms and found myself in a grotto solely lit by glow worms. Daelis must have left his lantern with Yana, which was fine, especially if that was what the Jarrah were using to spy on us.

  Daelis was sitting chest-deep in the water. He reclined on the rocks, his rolled-up robe under his head. His eyes were closed and the outlines of his ribs became visible with each deep breath. He was getting too thin, but so was I.

  "Don't fall asleep. We didn't come all this way for you to drown in waist-deep water," I said. I sat on the rocks and hung my feet into the pool. The water here was warmer than closer to the waterfall.

  "I'm not asleep. I'm thinking." Daelis slowly opened his eyes. He blinked at the glow worms, then tilted his head toward me. "Shan said he'd heard I was dead, but he was too busy with exams and worrying about you to seek out any details. I wonder if anyone in Jadeshire misses me. I don't think there is a single soul who does. Except for my cat, but she's an asshole who yanks on my hair all night and sometimes prefers my valet over me. My parents wouldn't mourn me. The closest thing I have to friends are the self-absorbed aristocrats I'm obligated to attend events with. My employees are indifferent, though I appreciate that none of them outright hate me. It's strange to realize that I've felt more appreciated here than at home. Not that anyone wants me around no matter where I am, but–"

  "Yana wants you around. So do I," I said. I twirled his ragged hair around my fingertips.

  "Shan doesn't."

  "He told me he doesn't hate you anymore. I think he envies your knife throwing skills. I bet he'd enjoy if you taught him how to do it." I kicked my feet through the water. A bath, even a soapless one, sounded wonderful at the moment. I didn't feel like tending to my inhibitions. I tossed my clothing to the side and lowered myself into the water.

  The blush rising in Daelis's face was obvious even in the faint glow worm light. "What are you doing?"

  "Same thing you are. Wishing I was somewhere else while enjoying the beauty I've found right here." I arched my back and smiled at the worms. "I can almost pretend the night sky is above us. I don't know if we'll ever see the real one again, but it is amazing that tiny creatures who have never seen starlight can imitate it so beautifully."

  His eyes were wistful as they reflected the false starlight. "You think it's amusing to tease me, don't you?"

  "I'm not teasing you."

  "You are, and it's mean."

  A t
ear fell from Daelis's eye. I brushed it away, then kissed his lips. "I'm not. You said that we don't know what day will be our last, and if something happens I don't want to regret missing the opportunity to tell you I love you."

  "You do?" Daelis whispered.

  I kissed him again, then embraced him. "Yes."

  Day 21, part 2

  Water washes away more than blood and grime. It erodes the years, strips away one tiny layer at a time until a rough exterior becomes smooth and flaws become polished. The roar of the waterfall offers its own calming mantra. The water speaks, and I listen. Now. There is only now. No past, no future, only now.

  Yana and Cinda concocted a surprise for the rest of us, and it was a wonderful one. Cinda has one of the "little magics" common to the Uldru, and it is a useful one. She can heat food. Or maybe water, I'm not sure which. Her power is too weak and concentrated to warm an entire cavern from chilly to comfortable, but it allowed us to have our first warm meal since being abandoned to this nightmare. And what a feast it was! She made three kinds of stew in the hollows of large, clean geodes, and some sort of chewy bread. Nothing was still alive, and I saw no unappetizing heads or legs in my cup. The food itself was unseasoned, but palatable, and that was fine with me.

  "Why haven't you done this before?" Shan asked as he reclined against my folded knees. He had emptied and refilled his cup three times, so I figured he'd be digesting himself into a nap shortly.

  "I need much water and concentration," Cinda said. She yawned and eased herself to the ground. "It makes me sleepy. I'll sleep now, all right?"

  "Thank you, Cinda. That was lovely," I said. I reached back and grabbed Daelis's hand, which was wandering along my right side.

  "Wait, Cinda thing. I have gift, too. Remember?" Yana chirped. She reached into her robe pockets and produced a collection of beads. No, not beads. Shells strung onto twine. "I find these here. I make for everyone. Pretties. Cinda helps. Cinda bites holes for strings. Sharp teeth. Ouch."

  Yana happily dashed between us, tying a shell bracelet to each of our wrists. When she was done, she sat on a flat rock and propped her chin on her hands. "Everyone pretty now. Everyone family."

  I kissed her cheek. She smiled and laid down next to Shan.

  They are all asleep now, and have been since just after I pulled out my journal. Well, not all. Daelis is pacing around the edge of the pool, his lantern tucked under his arm. He's restless. Maybe he needs to eat more salamander mushroom stew and return some weight to that wispy elven body of his so he can sleep without the stones bruising his hips. He returns in my direction and flutters his fingertips across my cheek as he passes.

  I reach for his hand and miss. "Dae, come here and sleep. Or are you going back to your little alcove? Want me to come with you?"

  "No, no, this isn't right," Daelis mumbles. He circles back around and sits down next to me. "I don't... I don't know if they are listening. Give me your pen and I'll write it down."

  Something is wrong with this cavern. We're losing our guard, too relaxed. I need to know if you are feeling pain, because I'm not. I should be. My hand doesn't hurt despite the wound being fresh and my shoulder isn't stiff. It's not just me. We all have injuries but no one seems to be in pain. Our wounds are even healing faster than it seems like they should. It feels like we've only been here a couple hours, but I think it's been much longer. Our actions are familiar, like we've been repeating ourselves for days or weeks. I think you've washed your robe more than once. I think Cinda has made us several meals. I found a pile of shell bracelets hidden under a rock by the wall. We may have fallen asleep several times only to wake and repeat the previous day. Every little thing gives me an overwhelming sense of repetition and I can't tolerate it anymore.

  We're not acting normally, either. Yana isn't nervously side-eyeing Cinda, Shan is acting like we were never estranged, and you devoured a live beetle like it was a crisp at tea. No one is anxious, no one is whimpering in their sleep. I feel strange, like my unconscious mind is trying to convince me that this beautiful little cavern is home and we should give up our escape and live here.

  Something is wrong and I need you to recognize it. There is a drug or a sinister aura here, possibly in the water or air, or maybe the mist or mushroom spores. I'm almost certain it wasn't from the meal Cinda made because I felt this way well before that, unless we truly have done this before and were feeling the effects of the previous meal. I think it started when we reached the bottom of the path from behind the waterfall. That's when the pain started to fade.

  Something wants us to stay here, but we can't. Our inhibitions are gone, and we aren't being vigilant. We need to wake up the others and get them out of here before this gets any worse. I know this place is beautiful and tranquil, and it's warm with things to eat, but I need you to remember that we're trying to escape. We need to go home. Even if it means I lose your affection, we need to go home. We can't die here, even if it is in uninhibited bliss.

  "I feel it, Daelis. I didn't notice it before, but now I do and it's been getting stronger by the hour." I scan our surroundings. I can gather our belongings quickly enough, but my robe is certain to still be damp. It will have to do. I can't be comfortable with relaxing into an abbreviated life in a cave, where the only stars my family sees are a glow worm lie. "We need to go now. Wake them while I toss our things back in the bags. They may fight us. We'll carry them out if we have to. Up. Now. Before we fall any deeper."

  Day 21, part 3

  For a short time, I felt only a pleasurable euphoria. Now the pain is back. My arm burns where the quartz sliced it open. My joints ache. A sharp cramp comes and goes in my gut, probably from eating too much of Cinda's stew. Or the beetle I ate. Yuck. Did I really eat a live beetle? I don't remember that. I feel as if I'm missing more than I'm remembering.

  We were able to partially rouse Shan and guide him one stumbling step at a time into the tunnel, but the other two had to be carried. We took Yana and Shan first, then went back for Cinda. We didn't have to go far to escape whatever had us entranced. The pain resumed as soon as the roar of the waterfall faded to a whisper. Shan was already deeply asleep by the time we returned with Cinda. It was colder in this passageway, so we arranged the other three so they could keep each other warm. They were locked in an enchanted dreamland, but Daelis and I were now fully awake.

  I hung my damp robe over a jutting rock. Daelis dropped his satchel on the ground, then cupped his hands over his mouth and nose and stared at me with sorrow in his turquoise eyes. I knew what he was afraid of. He assumed my love for him was an artifact of the cave. Was it? I wasn't sure, myself.

  "Dae–"

  "It's all right, really. In hindsight, that should have been when I realized what was happening. I was so shrouded in bliss that everything that wasn't you melted away and..." He dropped his arms to his sides and shivered. "I'm sorry. I should have realized that you didn't actually love me."

  I traced the line of his jaw with my fingertips. "Whatever was in that cavern made us less inhibited, and it may have stolen our time, it didn't turn us into liars. It helped me find a truth I didn't want to see before."

  When I kissed him, I felt the same way I had in the waterfall cavern. Warm in spite of the chill, free and home instead of entrapped. I released him and whispered into his ear, "I still love you."

  "Don't you regret–"

  "No. I think we were always inevitable, even though your heritage got in the way for a while." A shiver began in my back, then sprinted across my arms and down my legs. "I'm so cold, but I don't think I should sleep in a wet robe. Lie down with me. Keep me warm. I don't know if either of us can sleep right now, but that doesn't matter. I just want to be close to you."

  I was wrong about being awake. As soon as we were comfortable, our masked exhaustion revealed itself and we were both asleep within minutes.

  Day 22

  I hate knowing that we're being watched. I want to destroy these lanterns and bury the stones in the mud, but I
can't. We're dependent on that light to survive. So, spy on us if you must, Fathomless Mother and Sister Forlorn. We're going to get out of here. We're going home. We're going to win this vile game of yours.

  I woke blanketed by Daelis's robe, but he was not wearing it. It took me a moment to orient myself and locate everyone. They were standing together a little down the passageway. They're still there now. Daelis is teaching Shan, Cinda, and Yana how to throw knives, using a large shelf mushroom as a target.

  I've been watching them for several minutes and I'm trying not to laugh. Shan has a terrible throw. He has not hit the mushroom even once. His most recent throw rebounded off the wall and nearly planted in his foot. He'd better keep up his melee skills and leave the ranged attacks to his father.

  Cinda clipped the mushroom once, then became frustrated when she couldn't repeat the throw. Now she's leaning on the wall with her arms crossed over her chest, refusing to try again.

  Yana is the surprise. She's not consistent, but she shows potential. Hopefully Daelis keeps helping her develop the skill. The other two are hopeless. Yana flicks her arm again and the obsidian dagger plants next to a steel knife.

  "Tired now. Done," Yana says. She rubs the back of her arm and grins at me. "Rin awake."

  Shan pulls my robe off the hanging rock and tosses it at me. "Little damp around the edges, but it's mostly dry now. I woke up with no idea how I got here, but Daelis told us what happened. He thinks we would have died if we stayed in that waterfall place, that we would have just stopped caring about escaping and died."